Recently, I’ve been having more heart-to-heart talks with my closest friends, which led to some important insights into myself and my relationships. 

One shared something that took me by surprise. She said she’s always seen me as an independent, successful woman who knows how to fend for herself. Yet, when it comes to romantic relationships, she observed that I tend to put my partner first and myself second. “It’s good that you seek to understand your partner and know how to compromise, but it can be problematic when you keep giving without knowing what you deserve to receive,” she said. 

Another friend asked, “Why does it take you so long to realize or admit that something upsets you? And why did you wait until you broke up to tell me all these things?” 

These were two separate conversations, but they both agreed on one thing: Had they been in my shoes, they would have immediately blown up at some of the things my exes pulled. 

It left me thinking. I’ve always had a complicated relationship with anger. I couldn’t let myself feel it. Anger, to me, has always felt like a weakness, a loss of control. And, until now, I’d never been quite sure why.